(Yeah, I know. fan fic  is the lowest of the low, but it’s my blog and I can do what I want, and I have to do something to get through the feeling of intense loss and emptiness, now that it’s all over. This is just my way of getting through a rough spot. Feel free to add your own scenarios in the comments section. Also warning: This does involve spoilers for people not up to date on Breaking Bad.)

Jesse drives to his house. Partly it’s instinct, partly it’s because there isn’t much gas in the car and he’s hungry and he needs a bath. His house has not been seized, but there is a notice that it will be, for unpaid taxes. Badger and Skinny Pete have been squatting. He doesn’t tell them much about where he’s been or what’s happened. They notice how bad he looks, but when they ask if he was in Alaska, he says, “What do you think?” And they ask him if it was cold.

They tell him about the laser pointing, and Heisenberg’s plan to get the money to his son. Jesse wonders if Walt Jr should know about this, or maybe know that Walt at least begged for Hank’s life. But he isn’t sure what to do with this information or whether ignorance, in this case,is bliss. He starts charging Badger and Skinny Pete rent (retroactively) and tells them no drugs in the house. Not even weed. Not even beer. He’s done. He orders pizza and takes a shower.

He finds a non-criminal criminal lawyer who cuts an immunity deal for him. He confesses to everything he did or witnessed except Gayle’s murder. Something he overheard Uncle Jack tell Todd helps lead to recovering a large chunk of the money. Lydia’s associates at Madrigal and in the Czech Republic go down. Jesse’s name is redacted from the records, so no one can get any ideas about forcing the greatest living meth cook to cook again.  Marie is there to corroborate his role in trying to apprehend Walter. They have a moment together and discuss telling Walt Jr and Skylar that Walter begged for Hank’s life. Marie doesn’t feel it changes anything. “He pulled that trigger the day he decided to cook meth,” she says. He doesn’t tell her about the money coming for Jr.

He finds a job, first as a dishwasher than as a short order cook at a dinner. He makes a deal with the city so he can pay his back taxes, but he still plans to sell the house and move to Alaska, once everything is straightened out.

He visits Brock at his grandmother’s, but doesn’t tell him about his role in Andrea’s death, only that he was “away” when it happened. Brock doesn’t question this, but he’s hard to read. Brock reminds him Walt came to the house looking for him a few weeks before Andrea’s death.

“She called you. I was there.”

“Yeah. He’s dead now. He’s never coming back.”

“I know. I saw him on TV. He was Heisenberg.”

Brock put it together that Jesse worked for Walt, and Andrea’s death had something to do with Heisenberg. He wants to know if any more “bad people” are going to visit.

Jesse tells him they aren’t.

“How do you know?”

“They’re all dead.”

Brock says, “Good.” Then he pauses and says, “I don’t think you should come back.”

Jesse gets his GED and enrolls in a community college, partly because he needs to exercise his demons by occupying his mind. Besides they offer stuff he wants to be better at like graphic story production and basic carpentry He’d had ADHD as a kid and then started on Ritalin, which he’d wound up trading for other things, but now he finds 12 step meetings, meditation and yoga help him focus. For the first time, he does well in school.

He practices Tibetan Buddhism which makes it easier to deal with his past. He volunteers at a no-kill animal shelter and becomes a vegan. He meets a woman in yoga class. She encourages him to stay in school. He gets into a carpentry apprenticeship program. Eventually, he becomes a carpenter, and also teaches woodworking in a vocational high school. Unlike Walter White, teaching is something he loves. He has finally learned to apply himself. He feels alive all the time, but he doesn’t always feel good. He wakes up screaming sometimes, and his nightmares are too horrible to share.

He never leaves Albuquerque, but for his twelfth anniversary, he and Susanna, his wife take a cruise to Alaska, with their two young kids and his younger brother. On the boat, his little girl starts playing with a little boy who is the spitting image of Drew Sharpe. Jesse begins to cry. Susanna senses it’s his past again.

“You’re a good person, Jesse,” she reminds him. “Every single day you help people.”

He knows she’s right, but he also knows he’ll never really leave it behind.

(Yeah I know the above is all tell and no show. It’s just a sketch. You can read my [definitely NOT-fan] fiction here.)