Category Archives: true story

The Truth About Kitler and Chaplin Cats

There has been some confusion. This is a Chaplin cat.

The Chaplin cat or False-Kitler, is often mistaken for the Kitler, due to their both having distinctive mustaches and an unfortunate resemblance. HOWEVER, please note that Chaplins lack the distinctive Kitler, “side part” and the Kitler propensity for waving the paw high in the air. Chaplin cats are SILENT as a rule, and whacky rather than evil. Chaplin’s while territorial, have never been known to invade Poland.

Here is a Kitler. This little girl went viral a few years ago when a shelter reported that her looks were preventing her from getting adopted. Won’t anybody think of the poor Kitlers? Notice the tendency to raise the paw, as well as the side part. Kitler’s are IRONIC, rather than evil. Let’s hope this little girl eventually found a good home:

What do these two variations (They are NOT breeds) have in common?

Adorableness! That’s what. Both make excellent pets as do most members of felis silvestris catus.

(Now that your heart has been warmed by this lovely post, please feel free to continue exploring this  site. In lieu of donations or “tips,” check out the author’s work-for-sale here, and feel free to buy a book. All funds received will go toward cat food.)

Screenshots of a Conversation OR I Was Interrogating The Text From The Wrong Perspective

Some troll, not Anne Rice, but one of the gamergate boys she regularly sends out to harass anyone who’s crossed her because that’s her thing, (yes I know how insane that sounds) is posting lies about me in the comment section of an article on The Guardian because I said some things in reference to the subject of the article that he apparently disagrees with. I’m not sure, since his comments weren’t about his actual opinion, just about people he apparently wants a flame war with.

Specifically, one of the lies he’s telling is  about my facebook posts to Anne Rice’s facebook fan page (basically he said that I was a crazy person whose posts had so upset Ms Rice that she had to stop posting.)  So here are the screenshots of what I actually said and how she responded. This was about that holocaust nazi love story written by Kate Breslin, and my remark about Breslin’s wanting to use it in schools is true. She was giving away copies for Yom Ha Shoah to libraries and schools. Now that’s chutzpah! And no, I don’t think a public school would touch it, but there are lots of private religious schools in the south where textbooks aren’t very factually based. (Update: Think of this as the prologue to posts Part I and Part II on Anne Rice’s facebook battle in her continuing war against people who leave negative book reviews immoral internet lynch mob bully gangsters.

Anne Rice’s response. She’s wrong about her entire description of what’s going on, in ways it would take several paragraphs to explain, but it’s her facebook page so she can say what she wants:

Continue reading Screenshots of a Conversation OR I Was Interrogating The Text From The Wrong Perspective

The Three Day Novel Contest

There is a thing that exists up north where storytellers get to try their hand at writing a novel in three days. The good news is you don’t have to actual travel to Canada to do it. It can be done from your own backyard, or front porch or kitchen table. I never won. But after the first year, I turned my entry into an ebook, The Death Trip which still sells on occasion, and I have three other entries that I might do something with someday — especially the one that got short-listed. I didn’t enter last year, but who knows what I’ll do next year. Not only does the contest allow anyone who enters to feel like a writer for three days, but it’s a great way to get through a “block” and to wind up with a nice little draft or outline, so I’d say GO FOR IT.

However, one of the drawbacks is obsession. You write the thing over Labor Day Weekend, but they don’t announce a winner till god-knows-when, so the first year I drove myself nuts waiting. The first prize by the way is publication — small press but “real published” so you get major boasting rights forever and your book is sold in real stores. They even send you end on some kind of book tour with readings and everything. (At least in Canada.)

So below in honor of all who try, you are all winners and here’s a story about my first experience with the contest:

I Can Haz Kittehs? — How I Live with My Cats and My Allergies

Why would anyone who suffers from allergies want to live with a cat? Only because they are the fluffiest bestest coolest little vermin-killers in the world. Because every cute kitty is a lion at heart. Because you don’t need to get a “hybrid” — no cat is truly “tame.”

There are more pragmatic reasons. You got a cat for your kid and then you developed an allergy. You don’t want your kid to hate you forever. He or she definitely will, but it probably has nothing to do with the cat. Maybe you’ve met your soulmate, only she’s known the cat longer than she’s known you. Don’t make her choose. Perhaps a bundle of yapping cuteness followed you home and even though he makes you sneeze, you are in love. Some are born with both the cat-loving gene and the cat-allergy gene.

I am one of them. That’s me. I live with both cats and allergies. I am not recruiting for this lifestyle. I am not advising anybody with allergy symptoms to try this at home. If you are an allergic person and you live with a cat and you die of asthma – which can really happen, don’t blame me. I am not a medical professional. I am not telling you what you should do. I am telling you what I do. These are also useful tips if you are nonallergic cat person who might have allergic friends visiting.

Here are some basics. Products I use are mentioned. These are not “paid” endorsements.

  1. I have an allergist – This isn’t a DIY project. You need a doctor if you choose to do this. If you don’t have decent insurance, forget it. If you have an HMO or a lousy plan whichdoesn’t cover shots, you might need to find a new job with a better plan. If you can’t afford your copay, don’t get a cat. Allergists, like most doctors, used to tell you to give away your cats. This is because your allergies, even if minor, might get worse over time. Then they realized no one would bother with immunotherapy (injections) if they didn’t love their pets, so now they will only tell you not to get more pets, and to keep coming back for treatment. Shots are a big commitment because they won’t even start working for several months, and first you’ll have to come every week. Then it’s every two weeks, and then every month. After a few years, you can stop. But then you might have to come back. (I recently came back.) An allergist can also work with you on finding medications – both OTC and prescription that can control your symptoms. I take a generic form of Singular which just about eliminates my main, and most dangerous symptom – wheezing. I have an “emergency” inhaler. I take OTC antihistimines on occasion. There are lots of “non-drowsy” choices.
  2. I’m careful about “alternative” treatments. I have used accupuncture and Chinese herbs in the past. These seemed helpful at the time, and are harmless in any case. But some of what is labelled alternative is just plain dangerous. Ephedra, for example, is touted as a “natural” asthma treatment, but it can have dangerous side effects and using it without treating the underlying cause of the asthma – your cat allergies – won’t “cure” you and is not a long-term solution. While Western medicine may not have all the answers, in this case, at this time, the treatments are pretty good and pretty safe.
  3. The bedroom – Allergists will tell you to keep the cat(s) out of the room where you sleep. That’s good advice, but it sort of defeats the point of having a cat and it might not work if , like me, you live in small space. I make sure to change the sheets at least once a week, and follow other housekeeping rules (See below.)
  4. Housekeeping – Cats lick themselves. The saliva has the protein to which you are allergic. It gets in the air and crystalizes. Therefore – linens should be changed at least once a week. I have a Miele vacuum (that has a micro-filter and doesn’t blowback the air. Rugs and carpets? I got rid of them! They are dander traps! Just the worst. I clean my floors (vinegar and water combo works great on almost everything) at least once a week. There are also products one can find (google) that may be helpful. And those sticky rolly things to clean lint from your clothes? Very useful to have around.
  5. Air purifiers and filters – In theory these are helpful. I like mine, but I rarely use it. The problem is it doesn’t work so well if windows or doors open, so they are mostly useful in a closed room with closed windows. We have room (not central) air conditioning and it’s important to change the filters at the start of every air-conditioning season. The AC filter helps enormously especially as I also have hayfever. What doesn’t help? Anything that claims to “clean” the air by charging ions alone and doesn’t have a filter. Do not waste your money. They are debunked.
  6. Cat litter – It must be lovely if you can get a loved one to deal with that! It’s also smart to go with something relatively low-tracking and dust free. I’ve recently switched to paper pellets, which serves the purpose.
  7. Cat Baths – Allergists recommend bathing your cat twice a week. Cat baths, how to, are a whole other post that I haven’t yet written. I can tell you from experience that two out of three cats won’t believe you are trying to murder them, but none of them will enjoy the experience. You will be forgiven quickly however, especially if treats follow. Do not immerse your cat in water. Better to pour water on them, but they still won’t like it. Make sure the shampoos is safe for kitties and doesn’t contain chemicals. The problem with bathing the cats, is that they groom themselves a lot after, getting the saliva back on them which kind of defeats the purpose.
  8. Cat Wipes If bathing the cat seems daunting and/or there’s simply no way you are doing it as frequently as recommended, cat wipes can work. Look for ones that don’t seem too toxic and look for bargains. (I just got a year’s supply to save on shipping). Cats tolerate it more easily than bathing. At this point, I rarely bath them, but do the wipes at least twice a week.
  9. Brushy – My oldest cat loves “brushy.” The others, not so much. Brushing or combing before the wipe down to catch loose hair helps the allergic and helps prevent hairballs.

Yes, this does sound like a lot of work. The reality is it’s mostly basic stuff we should all do allergies or not. The shots are a pain, but after a while, it’s only once a month. It’s not that much work and the result is I get to have cats.

Again, I am not recommended anyone do anything. Also this was written for consenting adults with allergies. Not kids. If your kid is allergic, I got nothing. I know parting a child from his pets – even for his own safety – will break his heart, and parting a child from his pets because of the allergies of another child in the household may cause lifelong resentment, but kids die from asthma and may keep symptoms a secret, so if your kid is the one with the allergies, it might be better to re-home the pet. Lifelong resentment is better than no life at all. Talk to a doctor.

(My fiction has nothing to do with my cats, but if you found this post helpful, please check out my books.)

Tonight Only

Just wanted to say, that tonight I’ll be storytelling over at this place. It’s a free event. I’ll be telling a story that’s not part of a book or anything, nor will I be talking about my top secret new project. The story I’ll be telling is like, you know, in the monologuist tradition of the late great Spaulding Gray. I’d wear a flannel shirt if I had one and if it wasn’t so humid. You are all welcome to come. But get there early. They’ll be music and bigger headliners and it may be hard to get a seat.