This week’s Wayward Pines begins with a flashforward teaser. Looks like Ethan is about to reckon Kate, but we all know he’d never do that, right?

Picking up where we left off, the good news is the truck crashing into the gate didn’t cause a power outage. The bad news is those clever, constantly evolving aberrations have figured out they can shimmy under the truck. But Ethan’s on top of things and shoots out the tires, crushing a couple of the critters underneath. (To find out what happens next in case you didn’t see it or did and can’t remember or just want to relive the good times, please go to HNTP — we watch so you don’t have to!)

Ingrid’s health takes a turn for the worse. Will Martin make it back in time to save her? Alex makes a bold, but not unexpected decision, so does Annett.

What would you do after your fake-girlfriend gets killed in front of you and it’s sort of your fault and you have to bury her? Would you maybe go Brussels and make sure her cats don’t starve?

Martin deals with this unusual situation by visiting Yvonne – a hotter girl who is not dead. They go clubbing. He gets wasted, dances (possibly naked) to Bonnie Tyler  — NOT cool even in 1983, and sleeps with Yvonne. We get a peek at the two of them having die sexy-Zeiten and enjoying some intimate kissen sprach afterwards. Rarely, has television been this good at conveying that special post-coital intensity that signals EPIC true liebe. (Wanna read the rest? Of course you do! And there are pictures! So head over to HNTP your internet blog for all things television!)

This week on Deutschland 83, after taking dating advice from his aunt, Martin’s love life becomes complicated. Alex and the General exchange words at a family celebration. Renate drinks. Yvonne meditates. And the world moves one step closer to nuclear annihilation. (To read my entire fascinating recap and analysis, please don’t wait another second, and go to HNTP NOW.)

Isn’t it funny (because it’s true) when old people have trouble with technology? Like that time you were in Florida and tried to get nana on Facebook. But then she got it. Thank you for ruining Facebook! But sometimes they never get it, like your uncle who’s not even that old and still has AOL and no longer answers the phone because his palm sweat shorted out the touchscreen. Now watch as old-timey cable network, Lifetime fails to understand the basics of streaming. (To see my entire under 1000 words about this, please click to visit Happy Nice time People Now.)

FOX Television, the people who brought you Wayward Pines, a series about a small town where things aren’t what they seem, has now unveiled Gone, which the network is hawking as a “Wayward Pines companion series.” But Gone harbors it’s own dark secret, which I have uncovered. Read my complete expose on HNTP and save yourself half an hour. You can thank me later.