Category Archives: Kay Gardella Memorial TV Review Blog

television reviews

The Kay Gardella Memorial Blog Post

Kay Gardella Memorial TV Review Blog, writing/blogging/publishing related,

Those New Yorkers old enough to remember when newspapers used to be relevant, may remember Kay Gardella, the television critic for the Daily News from 1981 through 1993, known for her no-nonsense reviews.  Strangely, in my memory she was writing about television or movies years before that, which is possible as she started with the News in the 1930’s.

I wasn’t a big reader of the Daily News. Growing up, my parents bought the Times in the mornings and the pre-Murdoch liberal New York Post in the afternoon. Maybe it was after the Post became a joke that the News would occasionally appear in my childhood home. Fixed in my memory is the fuzzy-photo of Miss Gardella’s face.  (I’m certain it was Miss and not Ms.) She looked like a typical Italian matron from Bay Ridge. It was easy to imagine the body I couldn’t see – fat and short, and that she was waring a bathrobe, watching television while the ash of her cigarette grew precariously. The Kay of my fantasies had a gravel voice that twenty years earlier might have been throaty and sexy, and she never left her house. She did all of her work from on an E-Z chair, maybe with a manual typewriter on a television snack table in front of her. But when she wasn’t typing, the table was cleared. Then she’d lean back with the chair in recliner mode, so she could rest her somewhat swollen legs. Sometimes she’d yell for her husband Anthony, sounding like the mother in the classic Prince spaghetti commercial, and she’d ask him to bring her something – donuts, coffee, whiskey.

There was a small round table on her left, on which rested her ash-tray, lighter, cigarettes, phone, and of course the clicker.

I can’t find any of her columns, but she is remembered as being, “blunt” but also “fair,” and had a love for old Hollywood and a nostalgia for its “graciousness.” The real Kay, per her obit, did not work from home. She ran her department,  and always showed up “attired in a dress or business suit and heels, plus a fresh hairdo, full makeup and jewelry.”

But to me she’ll always be Kay in the bathrobe working from a comfy chair.

One of my New Year’s Resolutions is to be more like Kay, and I shall begin by writing a series of posts about what I’m watching on televisions – or rather what television shows I’m watching online – as my better-half will not permit a television machine in his home. I will also take up smoking and order a recliner.

This Is NOT a Love Story — The Penultimate Episode of Homeland S2

Kay Gardella Memorial TV Review Blog, ,

(Warning: SPOILERS ahead for the episode broadcast on 12/09/12 and speculation about what comes next)

On the surface, it looks like The Mother***er with the Turban was Homeland‘s` descent into telenovela territory. There was that long scene  where Brody and the Missus honestly discuss their future and how it won’t be together, followed by Brody’s arrival at Carrie’s and his telling her the choice was between her and Walden, and he chose her, while the Angel of Death (in the form of Good Soldier Quinn) waits silently in the dark.

How romantic. Or maybe not.

Let’s go back a few episodes to Brody’s last visit with Abu Nazir.  We know he left out some details in his debrief, and  he was less than honest before that when he recounted how the tailor met with an unfortunate accident.  He didn’t  mention his breaking into the VP’s safe and giving the enemy a list of assets and agents either. So what’s the evidence that Carrie really “broke” him and brought him back to Team America?  Or that Nazir didn’t break him back?

What did Nazir say to Brody when they said goodbye?  That if all went according to plan they wouldn’t meet again.  What plan was that?

There’s a good reason Quinn and Estes don’t trust Brody. Aside from his being a terrorist and a traitor, he’s a pathological liar.  Yet, Carrie lurves him.  And to quote Roya, he can make her do things.

Is it possible Carrie’s kidnapping was part of Nazir’s long con and not an improvised plan to keep Brody on mission?  For starters, every call that Nazir made to Brody was made in front of Carrie.  When Walden was a goner trying to call for help,  Brody didn’t tell him, “Sorry, it was you or my squeeze.”  Brody was enjoying the moment, and he wanted Walden to know exactly what was happening.

When Nazir let Carrie go there was a possibility she’d get to a phone in time and tell the CIA about the plot to kill the VP, but there was a good chance she’d be too late to stop the murder.  Brody might get caught, but the deed would be done.  But what were the odds of her telling?   Nazir knows something (a lot) about psychology and manipulation.  He wrote the book on how to break a person.  He “rescued” Brody and won his loyalty.  He kidnapped Carrie and convinced her she was going to die.  He gave Brody the opportunity to rescue Carrie, and he took a calculated risk that Carrie would then protect Brody by not revealing the plot.  This compromises her and makes her vulnerable.

Nazir’s hanging around in the tunnels, and Carrie’s spidey sense kicking in yet again, may have seemed like another outlandish scenario (although there was that lovely homage to the The Third Man), but Nazir’s willingness to die, the slight smug smile he offered as he reached into his shirt, should not have been a surprise.   It’s not that Nazir wanted to die, but given his speech to Carrie last week, we know that for him the struggle was a long one, and he believed his side would win because they would never stop fighting and they were not afraid of death.

Nazir wanted revenge for the drone attack that killed his son.  He got it. He was done.

Anyone who thinks that Brody was no longer loyal to Nazir only had to watch him get the news of his captor’s death.  This wasn’t simply relief that it was all over, it was mourning.

So was Brody’s arrival at Carrie’s doorstep a sign that the twisty Homeland has succumbed to sentiment?  Was his declaration that he did it for her an honest declaration of love or a cruel manipulation?  Does Brody even know the difference?  We’ve seen Carrie play Brody and Brody play Carrie.  Do either of these two crazy kids really know what love is?

There’s more going on here than true romance.  If Carrie is being conned, she’ll put the pieces together eventually, or somebody else (Saul) will, and force her to look.  It’s unlikely Quinn will end things by fatally wounding Brody in the season finale.  Maybe he’ll botch it, and with the death of Walden, and the official story being a “terrorist” attempt on the life of the hero Congressman, the CIA will be in no position to stop his political rise. If anyone puts Brody down, my money is on its being Carrie, and that just may be the thing that drives her irrevocably over the edge.

Dexter — Season 7, Episode 1 — Can O’ Worms

Kay Gardella Memorial TV Review Blog, , , ,

Warning: If you still haven’t seen the Dexter Season 6  finale, go hide someplace because spoilers are all over.

(Update:  This posts still gets regular visits, especially from outside the US where Dexter Season 7 may not have started. So to clarify for those for whom English is not a first language — this was written in December 2011 and is a parody NOT a review of the Season 7 premiere, any resemblance between the real  Season 7 premiere and this parody is purely coincidental.

For those of us who are watching the show, now that Season 7 is nearly done, what do you of my proposals?  There is a blonde in Dexter’s life, not Lumen, but also a killer.  LaGuerta is making a connection going back to the Ice Truck Killer.  Deb is still dealing with unresolved feelings toward Dex. Dex did figure out Louis’ role — although the series really copped out, making him out to be simple asshole and not a brilliant deductive sociopath.

I’m opening up comments again on this one, so have at it.)

What a disappointing mess, season 6 was.  They started off with a serial killer whose nickname was lifted from Thomas Harris novel, and if that wasn’t derivative enough, they moved from there to a plodding religiously-maniacal duo, whose big secret was obvious by the third episode to everyone who had ever seen The Sixth Sense, or Psycho or a dozen or so other movies.  They turned poor Quinn, into the most incompetent cop in Miami.  Remember when he was “the fucking witness whisperer,” or the only one since Doakes to see through Dexter’s facade? He might have been a little dirty, but he wasn’t stupid.

But those weren’t the worst offenses. They transformed our “neat monster” into a sloppy one, and managed to insult the intelligence of their viewers by ruining the once witty voiceovers that used to give us a glimpse into Dexter’s singular point of view.  Dahmerland, anybody? What we got in Season 6 were instant recaps for viewers who may have gotten up for a beer, or to channel surf because the pace was so slow.

And as for what they did to poor, Deb, I can only say oy vey.  Instead of picking up where Season 5 left off, with the hint that even if Deb didn’t go “behind the curtain” she was at least harboring a suspicion,  season 6 started with Deb as oblivious as ever.  And while Quinn, once upon a time, had had a photo of Dex and Lumen throwing black plastic bags off the Slice of Life, that too was never mentioned.

Instead Deb and Quinn break up. Quinn goes into an alcohol fueled bimbo-binge and Deb goes to therapy.  Therapy had possibilities.  Deb might have begun to put the pieces together, dreaming about the conversation between the ITK and Dexter that happened when she was asleep on the table, and suddenly all the clues could have crashed into her consciousness and that “Oh my God!” we heard in the season previews would have made sense.  Instead the world’s worst therapist helps her come to the realization that she is (gasp) in love with her (adopted) brother.  While the best Dexter parodies had long ago glommed onto the uncomfortable closeness of the two, it worked much better as an implied piece of Deb’s baggage.  Now, it’s just something that will have to be dealt with and can’t end well.   If we are now supposed to believe that Deb’s rationale for not turning in her brother will be that she is now too besotted by him, I will kill my television.  They’ve already worked hard enough at getting her to accept life’s gray areas, and besides adopted or biological, ick. They were raised together, in Deb’s case since birth.  It’s still Jerry Springer territory.

So the question is, assuming they fire the writers and/or pay anything to get Melissa Rosenberg back, how can they dig their way out of this mess?  Starting the season off with Quinn taking a shower and waking up a sleeping Deb in their apartment, and then having her tell him about this crazy dream she had, is one possibility, but not a good one.  Which brings me to my idea for Season 7, Episode 1 — Can o’ Worms.

No, hastily written screenplay, just a few ideas, but if Michael C. Hall or any of the rest of the team want to get in touch with me . . .

Scene I –Deb barges into an in progress therapy session to tell Dr F-wad that she is fired (because in Miami Metro lieutenants can do that) and then goes on to rant about implanting ideas into people’s heads and being a “fucking lame-brained idiot.”

The nervous patrol officer patient (Gretchen Moll sporting her Life 0n Mars blonde wig) interrupts, “Wait a second, are you telling me I don’t want to fuck my son?”

In the hallway, LaGuerta stops Deb.
LaGuerta: Congratulations again, Lt. Morgan on closing the Doomsday case.
Deb: Thanks.
LaGuerta: It was pretty lucky that Travis decided to commit suicide in the church. Reminds me of the Ice-Truck-Killer.
Deb: Huh?
LaGuerta: He also killed himself when it looked like we were closing in.
Deb: Yeah, sometimes things work out.
LaGuerta; You seem more focused, Debra. I’m glad you took our heart to heart seriously. It’s all about Miami Metro.  What’s good for the job….
Deb: (Phone rings. She answers) Yeah, I’ll be right there. Call my brother. (To LaGuerta,) Got to go.

Crime scene — there’s a homicide somehow involving a can of worms, and Miami Metro is doing their usual stellar job with that.

Fade out.  The words: “Ten Days Ago” appear on the screen. Then there’s a flashback of Deb running from the scene that ended Season 6.   Dex runs after her.  Misses.  Goes back and stages Travis’ death to look like a suicide. Voice Over about at least giving Deb this one last gift, before disappearing. Dex goes home, asks Jaime to stick around as he may be going away “for a while”. He starts packing a bag and is in the middle of saying good-bye to Harrison when he gets a phone call from Deb. “We need to talk.”  They meet at her place, the beach house.  Maybe there’s a voice over as they chat or something to speed up the action but we get dialogue, mostly a very pissed off Deb, along the lines of:

“So did you kill Doakes or was that pyro-vampira’s work? And can I assume she’s dead at least?”

“Now you’re telling me Quinn wasn’t a fucking idiot and you really did have some bromance with Trinity that got Rita killed, and you killed Trinity, leaving yet another unsolved case for Miami Metro, fuck you very much?”

“And when ex-fucking-actly did you figure out that Travis was part of Doomsday? And why the fuck didn’t you think that was worth sharing?”

“Just how many of my cases have you fucked up?”

Dex: (looking at phone): It’s Jaime. I’ve got to take it.
Deb: (Nods.)
Dex: Yeah? Okay. I’ll be there right there. (Hangs up.)
Deb: (Looks at him, worried)
Dex: I’ve got to go.  Harrison’s fine.
Deb: Then what….
Dex: I’ll explain later.

(Dexter  drives home. No voice over.  Fumbles for the key as Jaime comes to the door.)

Jaime: She just showed up, I didn’t ….
Dexter: It’s okay, I … (He enters and sees Lumen sitting on the couch)
Lumen: Hello, Dexter Morgan.

(Dexter and Lumen stare longingly at each other)

Jamie:  Uh, I uh have to go study for a class. (She leaves).

(Dexter and Lumen embrace. Dexter starts to laugh hysterically. Camera pans to Deb in her car watching.  She sees Lumen and Dex through the venetian blinds.)

Deb: (hits head against steering wheel) Fucking family reunion.

(Next morning, Harrison walking in on a sleeping naked Lumen and Dex.  Lumen offers to make everyone breakfast.  Dex gets a call from Deb, which he decides to ignore.  Lumen finds the ITK hand on top of the fridge and shows Dexter.)

Lumen: What is it?
Dex: A message for me.
Lumen: What’s it mean?
Dex: I don’t know…yet.

(Phone keeps ringing.  Dex picks up.  Deb again. It’s another murder scene, same MO, Can of Worms killer.)

Dex: I’ve got to go.  I’ll call Jaime. Can you stay until . . .
Lumen: I can stay as long as you need me.

(Dex is beaming.  Kisses her, grabs his kit and puts the hand inside, and goes to the crime scene. Later we see him in the lab looking at the lines Louis has drawn on the hand, which Dexter tells us means that whoever sent it had figured out that Dexter had used Geller’s dead hand to plant his fingerprints in the church.  Dexter doesn’t know about the hand and the auction, so he’s figuring it could be anyone who works at Miami Metro who has access to the evidence room.  He suspects Masuka and they have some awkward dialogue.)

(Yadda-yadda-yadda more crap and it’s Dex and Deb just hanging out having a beer.  Lumen is out buying interview clothes for a job or something.)

Dex: Deb, I’m glad we’re ok with this.
Deb: Now that you’ve promised not to fuck up all my major cases, we can pretend it never happened.
Dex: Like that time when you were twelve and I walked in when you were…
Deb: Yeah, just like that.

(Deb then starts being very whiny about her childhood and all the shit she has to deal with what with her brother’s being a fucking serial killer and all, and how her placing him on a pedestal really screwed up her relationships and blah-blah-blah.)

Dex: Deb, why are you telling me all this?
Deb: (Hits him on the shoulder) Even if a could find a shrink who wasn’t a fucking moron, I can’t exactly tell her my entire childhood was a lie, and Harry was ignoring me so he could take you out for ninja assassin training.
Dex: (Voiceover:) It’s a relief knowing that Deb isn’t going to turn me in, but when did she get so needy?

(Scene fades out with Deb continuing to blah-blah-blah while Dexter listens politely.)

(Yadda-yadda and Dex at Miami Metro busy suspecting each co-worker of having sent the hand, sitting in his office with imaginary Harry, trying to deduce it, doing web searches with his new browser installed by Louis, when suddenly Dexter does a face palm, followed by a voiceover in which he puts together all the clues that Louis is up to something, and says something about how he can’t believe how stupid he’s been over the last few months. Really sloppy. It must have something to do with not having sex.)

Scene: Deb and Lumen having coffee by that place on the water where Lumen and Dex used to meet.
Lumen: So are you here to make sure I’m good for your brother?
Deb: I just don’t want to see him get hurt again.  He’s told me. I know you couldn’t handle the uh you know?
Lumen: (smiling, air quotes) ‘Dark passenger.’
Deb: Fuck yeah.
Lumen:  How’s your dating life?
Deb: Huh?
Lumen: You wouldn’t believe some of the losers I’ve met. I’ve thought about it, Deb. God knows. Dexter was best thing that happened to me.  I realize now that Dex is a  …..
Deb: (sotto voce) complete fucking sociopath?
Lumen:  …. a smart, funny guy with a great job and a killer body — no pun intended.  A super dad. Neat. Organized.
Deb: (stares incredulously.)
Lumen: Everybody has baggage.  I can live with his.
Deb:  Are you planning to … join him…
Lumen: Hell no. That’s his thing.  We don’t have to share everything.  I don’t think that’s healthy. I’m going to accept it.
Deb: It’s not going to bother you that you’re home taking care of Harrison, and he’s out ….
Lumen: Doing his ‘thing.’?  His thing saved my life.  Look, Deb.  I get it.  You and Dex are close.  Really close.  I’m not here to hurt your brother.  I’m here to build a life with him, and if that means accepting all his foibles, yeah, I’m in.
Deb: You’re not going to try to change him?
Lumen: I’m not saying I wouldn’t be thrilled if he gave up his hobby.  But then maybe he wouldn’t be Dexter?
(Deb stares at her a few seconds.  Has to answer her phone. )
Deb: I gotta go. Another homicide. Looks like the Can of Worms. That makes three. My brother’s wet dream.

(More crap leading to cliffhanger ending involving Louis, maybe.)

Dexter: Richochet Rabbit — From Bad to Meh

Kay Gardella Memorial TV Review Blog,

What a dismal season it’s been! First, a Fight Club/Sixth Sense motif that anyone who wasn’t high should have seen coming by the third episode.

The sudden emergence of Travis as the sole big bad, able to persuade a fanatically religious couple to go forth and mass murder through the powers of the internets, was a continuation of a journey into the unbelievable. Travis’ “transformation” makes no sense based on the arguments we’ve seen him have with “the professor” throughout the season. Remember, his “waking up” in the hotel with the “writing on the wall”? He was startled. He didn’t leave himself chained up knowing Dexter would find him. He did it because he didn’t know what he was doing. So why does he suddenly know that the Professor is dead and that it’s all him? Why is this guy who is hardly able to speak to anyone, suddenly able to command others? It makes no more sense than anything else that’s occurred in the last 10 episodes.

The best thing about the season was Mos’ portrayal of Brother Sam. Mos’ off-beat line readings and acting chops forced Michael C. Hall to bring in his A-game. Brother Sam’s death is something from which the series hasn’t yet recovered.

The worst thing has been the dumming down of Dexter himself. In prior seasons, he’s not only been ahead of the slow-thinking Miami Metro squad, he’s been ahead of the viewers as well. This season, he was sloppy from his first kill — the double homicide of the medics. It was Buffy-like theatrics that made no sense. While two vamps dispatched in the Sunnydale cemetery would never be missed, the disappearance of an ambulance and its crew in Florida would cause some kind of investigation, if not a mass panic.

It even looked like there might be a threat or two close to home to keep Dex on his toes — Quinn still had those pictures of Lumen and Dexter throwing black plastic bags off a boat in the middle of the night, and the new detective appeared at first to be smart enough to be a threat to Dex’s extra-curricular activities. But the new recruit has hardly been seen, and Quinn has been in a drunken stupor for weeks, part of a different show, a comedy about Quinn and Batista the pot-smoking, stripper loving hound-dog cut-ups of homicide who due to the romantic tension of their bromance occasionally wind up punching each other out.

Also Louis is an idiot. That’s not completely implausible as he’s a geeky genius and those types sometimes are idiots. Even if he suspects that Dex is the Bay Harbor Butcher, which would explain his awe of the mild-mannered blood spatter expert/superdad, he also knows via the newspapers that Dexter’s wife was killed by a serial killer, and his sister held captive by one. Wouldn’t it occur to him that Dex might not think his game was the coolest thing ever?

The most interesting development is Dex’s statement that maybe Harry “made” him that way and he wasn’t a natural born serial killer. Dexter’s journey through every season has consistently involved his slow realization that he is more than Harry thought he was. Dexter of season one, would not have cared very much if all of Miami got gassed. He wouldn’t have been desperate to stop Travis as though he was some kind of superhero, and he certainly wouldn’t have called 911.

Brother Sam like him, was raised to kill, and did so, until he stopped and chose another path. Dexter thought he could save Travis. He hasn’t yet become aware that the only one he can save is himself, but that might be the writer’s end game, our hero’s recognition that not only was Harry a manipulative SOB, but that we all have to kill our fathers (symbolically) and choose our own destinies.

The problem is that the story can’t only be in service to its conclusion. The journey itself has to make sense, have some kind of internal consistency and logic. This season has been sloppy in a way that our “neat monster” would have found appalling. He, after all, has standards.

Everybody Loves Hurley’s Island — Coming soon to ABC

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(Hugo to Ben Linus in the series finale:  “You were a great Number 2.”  Ben’s reply:  “And you were a great number 1, Hugo”)

Hurley’s Island

Billionaire Lottery winner, Hugo “Hurley” Reyes owns a very exclusive resort on a mysterious island that’s more than a little “out of the way.”

Each week, pilot Frank “Chesty” Lapidus brings new guests for a truly “out of this world” vacation experience.

Hurley’s wry sidekick, Henry Gale plays a sarcastic Tatoo to Hurley’s benovelent Roarke. The hotel is staffed by the sassy clerk Rose whose signature lines are: “Do I look like the cook?”,  “Who invited you?” and “We don’t get involved.” Rose’s much put upon husband, Bernard leads fishing tours and does emergency dental work.

The cast is rounded out by Jimmy Ford, a tough reformed conman and aging stud who runs the local book exchange and bar with his sidekick Miles .

This week’s episode: What Happened on the Island Stays on the Island —

Jimmy’s old flame visits with her new husband. But is there still a spark after all these years? When Henry Gale mentions her past includes run ins with the law, as well as a hot romance with Jimmy, will this create a wedge between the newlyweds? While Freckles and Jimmy insist that the past is just the past, when she and Jimmy both wind up trapped in a hunter’s net, will an old flame spark?  In an effort to smooth things over, Hurley arranges for an old fashioned good time — boar hunting, ghost stories around the campfire and maybe a round of golf.   But who let the polar bears out?

With special guests: Evangeline Lilly as Freckles and Lillian Hurst as Carmen Reyes.