Category Archives: true story

How I got to tell that story….

So almost a year ago, I’m listening to the WBAI – my local Pacifica station or as the better-half refers to it – Commie Radio. It’s The Next Hour, a Sunday arts show, and there are these two men talking about their theater piece which is called Two Men Talking . These two men who had met in a private Jewish day school in South Africa when they were twelve, tell stories about their evolving friendship and their lives. The show though it always features certain core stories is always different. I liked what I was hearing. Plus it was, as it often is on BAI, a pledge drive and for $200, you could get two tickets to the show and one admission to their all day storytelling workshop and learn a little about how to do what they do.

I pay my $200. Go to see the show which the better-half and I both found very moving although to say much more would be to spoil it. Then came the workshop.

It was a beautiful Sunday morning, sunny, the sky was clear and it wasn’t too hot. I got to the building – a large studio complex in Greenwich Village where there was the smell of smoke and several entrances closed due to a fire that morning. The gathering crowd, the sense of “What the hell is going on?”, the weather, and the lower Manhattan locale all combined to remind me of that thing that happened a few years ago…. And if you were in the City when it did, you know what I’m talking about.

But we did manage to find our way to a spacious studio with a rooftop patio that with river views. The workshop was spectacular. Filled with really good storytellers, but the technique was challenging. Tell what happened. Sounds simple but when that means you can’t rely on your shtick, you can’t give an opinion or even tell how you felt, it’s tough. But the result was stories that flowed like conversation and allowed the listener to have his or her own experience. It reminded me of something I’d heard once about acting. It doesn’t matter if you can cry on a stage. The point is to make the audience cry.

I signed up for the 4-week advanced series. By the end, I felt like I had a handle on it and a few good memoir stories to tell and write. Then I got THE CALL. The two men were going back on WBAI and this time they were bringing some of their storytellers and I was invited. And so I got to tell a story on the radio. (I’ll upload it when I can find it and figure out how to do it. In the meantime, go here to see a written version.) All of the storytellers were radio virgins, we were sitting in a circle and it felt intimate and safe like the workshop.

After my story, Janet Coleman the host, asked Murry Nossel one of the Two Men, “How could she have screwed that up?”

Murray replied, “She could have told us how she felt.”

And that was the whole point of telling “what happened”. It’s a bit like saying “trust the reader” if you’re a fiction writer. If you tell how YOU felt, than you are telling the listener how to feel instead of allowing them to have their own feelings.

A couple of months later, I hear from Jerome Deroy who runs the business end of the workshops. He tells me that they are going to film some storytellers for the website and I’m again invited. I chose a more upbeat one than the one I’d told on the radio. It’s more upbeat than the radio story and a good one for aspiring writers and other aspirants to hear. Check it out!

A Post about Not Posting or Self-help or Saving Your own Life:

In the past few weeks (months), I haven’t posted. Much happened. Many stories exist, but I didn’t write them down. There are the usual excuses: depression, addiction (to authonomy), laziness, the need to retain paid employment, other obligations, life-maintenance, etc.
It’s amazing how much money we all spend on self-help — whether it’s books, classes, therapy, retreats or whatever, when generally we already know what will make us feel better.
Here are 10 things that I could accomplish today. If I do even 3 of them, it will be more than I’ve done lately and will make me feel that at least I’ve done something:
1. write a blog.
2. get the oil changed,
3. buy my mother something for mother’s day even though she’s not easy to shop for and the thought of it fills me with all sorts of ambivalence and many “feelings.” (When I asked what should I get her, one family member who will remain anonymous suggested: “A heart?”
4. clean just one small section of the apartment (start anywhere.)
5. unpack my bags from the trip I took last month.
6. unpack my bag from the overnight trip last weekend.
7. go through the large plastic bin in which the mail has been collecting.
8. change the cat litter.
9. make definite plans with a friend.
10. write something in addition to the blog.

Okay, so I managed to get one of these things done. Now the choice is mine. Rest on my uh laurels or get up off my butt. So hard to choose. Maybe I’ll have another cup of coffee.

The Old Post with a New Name (continued)

Update: I had to change the name of this post. The name had the word a d d i c t i o n in it and this seemed to attract so much spam for so long that I’m now afraid to ever write the word again. Let that be a warning to all!

Just a quick update on my internet addiction and second life as a writer on Authonomy.

I’ve got to get at least an abstract and synopsis of a proposal done by Monday morning, 8 am. I should have the draft done as it’s got to go out on Friday and others need to comment. By the way, this is for an afterschool program grant that would benefit hundreds of inner city children for years to come. This is real and important work.

Where am I on this?

Don’t even ask.

After realizing that this thing is bigger than I am, and not being much of a believer in a higher power (besides I really don’t want to quit, and even if I could find an appropriate meeting, I have too much work to do), I have asked my technical adviser and life partner to block me from the site.

I am now in his power, and it feels strangely liberating.

If I’m a good girl and get my chores done, maybe he’ll let me go on tonight.

Everybody’s Losing It

Recently, I went to an author talk/book signing at a New York cultural institution. The talk was in an auditorium and the book signing after was in the lobby. The books, however, were on sale at the institution’s bookstore which was down the hall, so first you had to shlep over to the bookstore, get on line (as we say in New Yawk), and wait till you get to the cashier to pick a book from the very limited selection available.

The line moved slowly, but amicably. There was some confusion with people occasionally stumbling into the store and asking, “Where are the books?” or “Is this line?”

I was with my friend Karen. When it was my turn I asked a question, “Is this all that’s left?” The cashier replied, “Just what you see here.” It was not a good situation. There was still a long line and there clearly weren’t going to be enough books for everyone on it. At that moment some confused soul sprang forward and asked the cashier, “Is this where the books are?”

She snapped at him, “Do not interrupt me!”

I explained it was where the books are. Karen, who has many of years of customer service experience, then said calmly. “He was just asking a question.”

“I’m stressed!” The cashier replied in a tone that I heard as a warning, not an apology or explanation.

Then Karen said something else. Maybe, “Okay, but you could have just answered his question.”

By now she was putting through my order and verbally attacking Karen, yelling loudly enough to silence all conversation in the store. “You are interrupting me while I am doing my job. You need to be quiet now.”

Karen was continuing to try to have a rational conversation with a woman who wasn’t. “I’m not keeping you from doing your job.”

The cashier threatened to call security if Karen continued to speak and did. The guard looked at two middle aged women in the process of buying books. He stood by with a neutral expression as the cashier told him. “Okay you know what to do.”

After completing our purchases, we walked past the line. A woman who’d been sitting in front of us earlier, said “I’m terrified to go up there.”

As bizarre as the incident was, it was also familiar. Four weeks ago at an airport, my husband and I had just gone up to the counter to drop off our luggage and the counter-agent said, “I was yelling for you to come. Okay, I guess you’re not in a rush.”

I started to explain, “We couldn’t hear you at all. I was looking at the counters. Finally I saw you waving.”

“Well I was shouting pretty loud!”

“They really should do something. Have lights and bells that you could see and hear from back there…

“People just ignore us! No consideration for the people working here. I guess you’re all too wrapped up in your vacations….”

“No really, they just can’t see…”

My husband by this time was already whispering for me to move on. He had visions of us both being tackled by airport security and permanently placed on a no-fly list.

It’s not just customer service people. It’s everyone. Most people I know have work situations where it’s known that so and so and such and such aren’t on speaking terms and this makes meetings either a little bit tense or totally absurd. The root of it all is a sense of powerlessness. The cashier was like the groundhog that bit the Mayor when he stuck his hand in its cage. She felt she was being attacked in the little bit of territory that was hers. Who knows what staff cut backs and other nonsense the woman at the airport was dealing was?

You can’t reason with irrational people. You can’t get them to see your viewpoint or make yourself any clearer. The best you can do is engage as little as possible and keep moving. If they happen to be co-workers you need to work with or heaven forbid a supervisor, you’re screwed — especially now with the job market that much tougher and everyone trying to hold on to what he or she has.

What’s the answer? Take care of yourself. Remember to pop those vitamins and the fish oil (flax seed if you’re a veg.) Get enough sleep. Eat right and exercise. Be extra kind to those you love, and remember the next time a cashier calls security or you catch your co-workers rolling their eyes at each other during your presentation, that it’s not about you, and it’s about as personal as being stabbed by a crazy man on the subway.

Lunch Time Conversation

“They moved Betty to another table.”
“I’m sorry to hear that Mom. I know you like Betty.”
“They put this new woman there, Rosalie. Ugh, I can’t stand her. She’s always asking questions.”
“She’s new. That’s understandable.”
“She always wants to know, what’s going on here? What’s to do?”
“She takes an interest….”
“She’s always saying how wonderful everything is. Trying to get people to go with her when they have a shopping trip or sit with her at the afternoon movie. Everything’s ‘great’. ‘Oh your daughter is coming to visit! Isn’t that great!’”
“Ma, I gotta tell you, I’m not getting what the pro….”
“And she’s a Holocaust survivor. She won’t let you forget that. “
“Huh?”
“ I told her my life was no bed of roses either.”