8:35:\u00a0 Enjoyed the cheezy opening number with Neil Patrick Harris. It was retro and funny while being awkward and amateurish.\u00a0 It reminded me of why I used to like the movies.<\/p>\n
8:41:\u00a0 Martin and Baldwin. Now it’s just non sequitiers and in-jokes.\u00a0 Par for the course. But Steve and Alec seem to be having fun.<\/p>\n
It all reminds me of being a kid and watching Bob Hope and old Hollywood and now Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are old Hollywood.<\/span><\/p>\n 8:44: Penolope Cruz presenting supporting actor.\u00a0 My better half just started to pay attention.<\/span><\/p>\n I have not seen anything this year! But from what I heard Waltz deserved it.<\/span><\/p>\n 8:50:\u00a0 Ryan Reynolds?\u00a0 Brian Reynolds? WTF.\u00a0 Who is this person?\u00a0 Boy, do I not<\/strong> want to see The Blind Side! <\/em>Was it written by randomly putting together cliches? <\/span><\/p>\n 8:56: Animation…. Oh crap — Waltzing with Bashir <\/em>was how<\/em> many years ago?<\/span><\/p>\n 9:02 — Why does Miley Cyrus need a bustier? She’s a teenager.\u00a0 Her breasts should be able to hold themselves up.\u00a0 I like Randy Newmann.\u00a0 I’m really old.<\/span><\/p>\n 9:05 — Chris Pine?\u00a0 Chris Hine?\u00a0 What am I Emily Latella?\u00a0 (My better half also said, “Who?”)\u00a0 District 9 <\/em>looks worth seeing. <\/span><\/p>\n Commercial break: Let’s talk about me.\u00a0 When we do go to the movies we go to what we refer to as the “Lincoln Center Home for Adults” it’s where they show foreign films to New Yorkers.\u00a0 I don’t think anyone under 45 is allowed in.\u00a0 The whitest crowd in NY except for Elvis Mitchell.\u00a0 Or we go to the multiplex in Edgewater NJ — the little city across the river.\u00a0 It’s kind of like going to Florida to see my in-laws except for the weather.\u00a0 In the dark, nobody knows you’re in NJ.<\/span><\/p>\n 9:12 — I think Robert Downey Jr. is high and Tina Fey is having a nervous breakdown about it.\u00a0 Live!\u00a0 Anything can happen. Oh, that’s the bit!<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n 9:14 — <\/em>Damn, just checked Facebook.\u00a0 David Rees is live blogging the Oscars.\u00a0 He’s famous.\u00a0 I’m not.\u00a0 I hate you facebook friend David Rees.<\/span><\/p>\n 9:15 — The Hurt Locker<\/em>, another film I kinds wanna see, maybe.\u00a0 Oh shit.\u00a0 Doesn’t anyone even ask<\/em> wtf all those troops are doing over there?<\/span><\/p>\n 9:17 — John Hughes memorial thingy:\u00a0 Molly Ringwald really does look like a deer in the headlights.\u00a0 Matthew Broderick has that weird look of a never aging elf.<\/span><\/p>\n 9:22 — Now they’ve sprung a bunch of 80’s has beens out of rehab.\u00a0\u00a0 It’s like a high school teacher’s memorial.\u00a0 I’m finding this whole thing iccky.\u00a0 Was he a GREAT filmmaker?\u00a0 Are they giving him a posthumous award?\u00a0 WTF?<\/span><\/p>\n 9:24 — Audience shot of Ed Asner.\u00a0 Anyone for a pool of who’s next to go from the MTM show?<\/span><\/p>\n 9:27 — Zoe Saldana’s dress:\u00a0 First, it looks like it weighs a ton.\u00a0 Second, I’m trying to figure out how you use a toilet in a dress like that?\u00a0 Third, the slit goes up to the crotch?<\/span><\/p>\n 9:30 — We’ve hit some horrible dead zone in the descriptions of short films.\u00a0 Don’t they have a pre-Oscar show for this? <\/span><\/p>\n Animated shorts:\u00a0 now I’m having some flashback to being a teenager and Sunday night after Monty Python<\/em>, channel 13 followed with a half-hour animation show.\u00a0 If this wasn’t a special hour for stoned adolescents, then what was it?<\/p>\n The short docs actually look interesting…<\/p>\n The winning is making a speech and OH MY GOD who is this awful woman!\u00a0 And now the music.\u00a0 Do they take them off stage and yell at them for going past 45 seconds.<\/p>\n Short feature —\u00a0 This is sad.\u00a0 The first guy makes his speech.\u00a0 Then they start the music before the second guy makes his.\u00a0 This is a terribly ungracious way to give an award.<\/p>\n 9:38 — Ben Stiller bombing in the Avatar<\/em> bit.\u00a0 (Haven’t seen it, but my friend Maria Bustillos wrote a scathing review for The Awl — no time to link — live blogging)\u00a0 I hope Star Trek<\/em> doesn’t get it.\u00a0 I did see that one and thought the kabuki Romulans were just silly.<\/p>\n Oh crap!\u00a0 They won!\u00a0 Well, maybe it was better than the other guys.<\/p>\n 9:43 — Jeff Bridges.\u00a0 Oh Jeff I remember your perfect behind from Starman. <\/em><\/p>\n We are SO<\/em> netflixing A Serious Man!<\/em><\/p>\n Commercial: <\/em>Why no comments?\u00a0 Is it because all my friends are also blogging?\u00a0 Or asleep? Or don’t own television machines?<\/p>\n 9:48 — Adapted screemplay:\u00a0 Haven’t read the books.\u00a0 Haven’t seen the movies.\u00a0\u00a0 I’m glad Precious<\/em> won.\u00a0 I used to teach high school in NYC and for lots of girls Push<\/em> meant everything.\u00a0 They loved that book and found it hugely inspiring.<\/p>\n 9:52 —\u00a0 Queen Latifah!\u00a0 Yay!\u00a0 I love that now allow large lesbians to be Cover Girls!\u00a0 What a thankless task she’s got having to basically present highlights from the Governor’s Award. Are those the awards they don’t do on TV anymore?\u00a0 That sucks!\u00a0 I wanna see Lauren Bacall\u00a0 and Roger Corman live! Oh good, they are bringing them out!\u00a0 Oh no, they’re not letting them speak. This sucks!<\/p>\n 9:55 — Supporting actress — Penelope Cruz.\u00a0 Penelope Cruz with glasses.\u00a0 My better half is drooling.\u00a0 Vera Famiga — I’ve never actually seen her in anything.\u00a0 Maggie Gylenhall –I don’t want to see her being Jeff Bridges girlfriend.\u00a0 It’s icky!\u00a0 What’s her name, not Vera from, Up in the Air<\/em>, — gotta netflix that.\u00a0 Monique — They’ll give it to her maybe.\u00a0 They like comedienne’s playing serious parts.<\/p>\n Called it!<\/p>\n Monique — great way of addressing the “controversy”.\u00a0 Smart speech.\u00a0 I’m now a fan.<\/p>\n 10:05 — Sigourny Weaver — Is that a dress or did she just grab a bedspread?\u00a0 She’s doing the award for set decoration.\u00a0 Do we care?\u00a0 Oh, it’s Avatar<\/em> so this could be a portent.\u00a0 There’s a theme here:\u00a0 James Cameron is god or the king of the world or something.<\/p>\n 10:09 — Steve Martin made a joke.\u00a0 Sarah Jessica Parker has something weird growing out of her skull!\u00a0 Costumes: Is the winner the one who had that credit card dress a few years ago?\u00a0 Yes, I think she is.<\/p>\n 10:11 — Charlize Theron — She is fierce!\u00a0 And she does a great American accent.\u00a0 She introduces Precious<\/em>.\u00a0 Is this because she once said on TV that she was an African-American because she’s born in South Africa?\u00a0 My better half and I discuss Precious<\/em> which we haven’t seen but we both agree that Helen Mirren would have been terrible in Mariah Carrey’s part which she was initially slated for.<\/p>\n 10:17 — Back from the commercial.\u00a0 Martin and Baldwin in a bit.\u00a0 Strangely funny.<\/p>\n 10:18 — Two more people I haven’t heard of.\u00a0 I am ANCIENT.\u00a0 Are these The Twilight <\/em>kids? That would be the logical guess.\u00a0 They are presenting something about “horror films.”\u00a0 I don’t consider movies about vampires who have to wait until marriage, horror films.<\/p>\n Jaws —<\/em> That was when Spielberg was good.\u00a0 Psycho<\/em> by the master!\u00a0 Poltergiest<\/em> — scary.\u00a0 The Shining<\/em> — great!\u00a0 Rosemary’s Baby<\/em>!\u00a0 I’ve seen most of these!\u00a0 Movies used to be fun.\u00a0 I miss movies.\u00a0 Shit now they showed the twins from The Shining<\/em>.\u00a0 I won’t sleep for a week!<\/p>\n 10:23 — Oh, they’re making the poor girl who just lost to Monique present an award.\u00a0 She’s presenting Morgan Freeman doing one of those “educational” videos explaining what a sound editing and mixing means.\u00a0 Can’t they just give these at the show that’s not on the TV?<\/p>\n Yayyy!\u00a0 Sound editing.\u00a0 Let’s applaud like we know these guys.\u00a0 Hmmm.\u00a0 It’s the Hurt Locker<\/em>.\u00a0 Does that mean something?<\/p>\n It also won for sound mixing.\u00a0 Now I’m thinking there’s a pattern — a CONSOLATION pattern. It’s not going to get best picture.\u00a0 Or will<\/em> it?<\/p>\n 10:28 — Sci Tech awards! Elizabeth Banks.\u00a0 Has she been in any movies?\u00a0 Did they make her speak?\u00a0 Now John Travolta, Mr. Scientology himself, is talking about Quentin Tarrantino and introducing Inglorious Bastards<\/em>.<\/p>\n Commerical break. Are these commercials national?\u00a0 Geoffrey Canada, I love you!<\/p>\n 10:34 — Martin introduces Sandra Bullock who looks pretty in her dress.\u00a0 It’s cinematography. Sandra seems to like pronouncing the Italian name of the winner.\u00a0 It’s another Avatar<\/em> win and Cameron again gets thanked.<\/p>\n 10:37 — Demi Moore presenting this year’s dead.\u00a0 No, she’s presenting James Taylor who will sing a song about this year’s dead. Will this be a medley of dead people names?\u00a0 No, it’s an old Beatle’s song.\u00a0 Ironically, one played at my sister’s wedding,\u00a0 so not one I associate with dead people.<\/p>\n They are now showing pictures of dead people while James Taylor sings.<\/p>\n I do not forgive Ron Silver for speaking at the Republican Convention.\u00a0\u00a0 Yeah, it’s personal.\u00a0 I don’t care if he could see the Towers burning from his house in New Jersey. I was less than a mile away, could smell the smoke and feel the earth shake as the Towers fell.\u00a0 I didn’t suddenly\u00a0 lose my mind.\u00a0 Maybe he already had the cancer and it was interferon or something messing with his brain.\u00a0 If that turns out to be the case, I will forgive him.<\/p>\n Commercial.<\/p>\n 10:45 — Jennifer Lopez and Sam Worthington.\u00a0 Best score.\u00a0 So they are playing all the scores, while having dancers running around the stage?\u00a0 I think? \u00a0 I’m watching the dancers.\u00a0 This looks like a combination of old West Side Story choreography, jogging on stage and some break dance moves leftover from teh eighties.\u00a0\u00a0 The music changes, but the basic dance moves and whatever “story” the dance is trying to tell doesn’t.\u00a0 They are getting more acrobatic at points, more frantic, but there’s really a desperation and clulessness to the choreography.\u00a0 It’s showy, but meaningless and distracts from the scores rather than enhancing them.\u00a0 If dance moves are letters, isn’t choreography supposed to form them into words or sentences?<\/p>\n Winner is…. Michael Giachino (?)\u00a0 for Up.<\/em> Another movie I will never see.<\/p>\n Ladies and gentleman:\u00a0 Gerod Butler and Bradley Cooper — or was it the other way around.\u00a0 Presenting Special Effects.\u00a0 They just showed a clip from Avatar<\/em> and better half says:\u00a0 “It doesn’t look that outstanding.”\u00a0 But then, he doesn’t have the special glasses and we still don’t even have a flat screen.\u00a0 Avatar<\/em> wins.\u00a0 James Cameron gets thanked again.<\/p>\n 10:56 — Jason Bateman, introduces Up in the Air. <\/em>We like Jason Bateman.<\/span><\/p>\n 11:02 — Matt Damon — best documentary.\u00a0 Oh my god there’s a documentary, The Cove <\/em> about people killing dolphins for food.\u00a0 And another about food and bad meat.\u00a0 Do I sense a theme here you Hollywood radical vegans?\u00a0\u00a0 Now a documentary about Ellsberg and the Pentagon papers.\u00a0 And another about Mexican kids trying to get over to see their illegal parents. <\/span><\/p>\n The dolphin film wins.\u00a0 Wow.\u00a0 Documentarians are heros!\u00a0 Could we have an all documentary academy awards next year?<\/span><\/p>\n 11:06 — Tyler Perry\u00a0 explaining “editing”.\u00a0 The Academy Awards, it’s kind of like going to school and being left back and having different teachers explain the same shit to you year after year.\u00a0\u00a0 Hurt Locker <\/em>wins again.<\/span><\/p>\n 11:08– Keannu Reeves presenting\u00a0 Hurt Locker<\/em>.\u00a0 He is a very pretty, is Keannu Reeves.<\/span><\/p>\n Commercial.\u00a0 If it were just me, I would have changed the channel at the score\/dance fiasco, but having started this I’m going to see it through. Pedro Almodavar and Quentin Tarrantino! — Yeeah!\u00a0 Best Foreign Language Film. Did I miss something or is the actual name of the Peruvian film: The Frightened Tit<\/em>?\u00a0 Argentina wins.\u00a0 Given that we live in New York and are snooty intellectuals, we may even see it at the movies. <\/span><\/p>\n Back to Martin and Baldwin.<\/span><\/p>\n Commercial break.\u00a0 Toilet paper commercial.\u00a0 My better half is now actually arguing with me about “over” being the only correct way.<\/span><\/p>\n 11:25 — The woman who used to be Michelle Pfeiffer is talking about what a swell guy Jeff Bridges is.\u00a0 Like Sigourny Weaver, she is wearing a red dress made out of a bedspread.\u00a0 It must be the look for “older’ women in Hollywood. <\/span><\/p>\n 11:27 — Vera what’s her name is talking about Mr. George Clooney, but they keep cutting to him and he is just soooooo\u00a0 hot.<\/span><\/p>\n 11:31 — Kate Winslett announcing best actor. Jeff Bridges wins.\u00a0 Jeff Bridges is\u00a0 talking about his parents, and thanking a lot of people.\u00a0 I dare them to start the music.\u00a0 I guess the biggies get more than 45 seconds.\u00a0 I love when he keeps saying “man”.\u00a0 He is, after all, the dude.<\/span><\/p>\n 11:39 — It’s a commercial break, but I predict that the jokes about going over will now be starting.<\/span><\/p>\n 11:40 — Best actress.\u00a0 They’re doing the presentation thing.\u00a0 Why is Moon River<\/em> playing?\u00a0 Haven’t seen any of them, but if Helen Mirren doesn’t win, then I hope the young woman from Precious <\/em>does.\u00a0 I want a tee-shirt that says: What would Jane Tennyson do?\u00a0 Helen Mirren should get the lifetime achievement award for fierceness.<\/span><\/p>\n 11:44 — Oprah introduces Gabaney.\u00a0 Oprah’s introduction sounds like a lawyer making her case. If I am ever indicted for murder, I want Oprah defending me. 11:47 — Sean Penn to present.\u00a0 Man, he was great in Milk. <\/em>Winner is: Sandra Bullock!\u00a0 I don’t think so.\u00a0 WTF?\u00a0 I’m moving to Canada.<\/span><\/p>\n 11:52 — Babs. That is one ugly tux or whatever it is.\u00a0 What’s that around her neck? Did she borrow Rachel Ray’s keffiyah? <\/span><\/p>\n Winner:\u00a0 Kathyrn Bigelow!\u00a0 I am SOOO happy that Avatar <\/em>didn’t win! Amazing though she gives her speech about the military, but no one this evening ever questions the mission. <\/span><\/p>\n Tom Hanks:\u00a0 Explaining the 10 nominee thing and then boom.\u00a0 He just reads the winner without going through the other stuff.\u00a0 I guess they really have to be done by midnight! It’s Hurt Locker.<\/em> Now the writer who was embedded is speaking.\u00a0 Will he address the occupation in any meaningful way?\u00a0 Nah.<\/span><\/p>\n It’s midnight. Bigelow is speaking again and I’m expecting the music.\u00a0 She thanks the military one more time. “They’re there for us.”\u00a0\u00a0 Ok, I know there’s a time and a place, but ….<\/span><\/p>\n Cheesy joke by Martin about going over time “Avatar<\/em> now takes place in the past”.\u00a0 A thank you to our sponsors.\u00a0 And we’re out….<\/span><\/p>\n 8:35:\u00a0 Enjoyed the cheezy opening number with Neil Patrick Harris. It was retro and funny while being awkward and amateurish.\u00a0 It reminded me of why I used to like the movies. 8:41:\u00a0 Martin and Baldwin. Now it’s just non sequitiers and in-jokes.\u00a0 Par for the course. But Steve and Alec seem to be having fun. … Continue reading Missed all the movies? This Oscars Live-Blog is For You!<\/span>
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