{"id":1152,"date":"2011-02-28T23:37:18","date_gmt":"2011-03-01T04:37:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.marioninnyc.com\/?p=1152"},"modified":"2013-03-06T16:25:40","modified_gmt":"2013-03-06T21:25:40","slug":"to-serve-writers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marioninnyc.com\/?p=1152","title":{"rendered":"To Serve Writers"},"content":{"rendered":"

I was over snooping around some aspiring writers’ site and it hit me.\u00a0 People pay big bucks to get opinions on their work.\u00a0 Back in my Authonomy<\/a> days, I heard of writers spending hundreds of dollars for “critiques” by professional editing services.\u00a0 One author published her critique, which basically advised her to dumb it down and sex it up.<\/p>\n

Meantime, other writers at that site (owned an operated by Harper Collins UK, a Rupert Murdoch joint), spend an incredible amount of time trying to make it to the “Editor’s Desk” to get some junior editor’s review.\u00a0 They don’t have to pay anything to get those reviews, but it means clawing your way to the top of a virtual slush pile by reading and often praising other people’s work.\u00a0 If you calculate labor, it would be cheaper to just pay a freelance editor — though getting the opinion of an “authentic” but anonymous industry “insider” has a definite appeal.\u00a0 Often what the editor has to say is not so different from what the more honest readers have been pointing out all along.\u00a0 In some cases, it’s just plan wrong.\u00a0 (HC panned and turned down at least one romance\/mystery that’s been a bestseller <\/a>in UK’s Kindle store for months and garnered much critical praise.)<\/p>\n

Other aspirants pay hundreds for reviews by Kirkus Indies (formerly, Kirkus Discovery)<\/a>.\u00a0 For $425, or $575 if you want shorter than a 7-9 week turnaround, someone whose name and qualifications you’ll never know will write an “official” review of your tome.\u00a0 This isn’t exactly like hiring Michoko Kakutani <\/a>to do the job.\u00a0 But then again, why would you want to?\u00a0 The idea behind Kirkus is that if it’s a good review. you can use it as part of your publicity if you self-publish.\u00a0 People might mistake it for a “genuine” Kirkus review which will boost your sales because they have so much<\/em> integrity.\u00a0 They are now apparently working with Amazon’s Create Space to sell this awesome service.\u00a0 If\u00a0 the review stinks, you don’t have to publish it, and could theoretically use the critique to make changes or just take up origami or something.<\/p>\n

Of course there are other options — creative writing workshops abound and are even available online if you live out in the boonies.\u00a0 Most community colleges offer classes at reasonable rates.\u00a0 Things being what they are, these classes may be taught by\u00a0 “real” published authors<\/a>.\u00a0 This would be the best way to go if you’ve never taken a class or haven’t written in a long time, though not all published writers are decent teachers, and your classmates may or may not offer useful feedback.<\/p>\n

Some people wind up throwing money away, falling for some slick ad, and going to an “editor” with nefarious credentials.\u00a0 This might cost thousands.\u00a0 And despite the “self-publishing revolution”, there are still all sorts making money off the desperate through “author services,” and “subsidized publishing.\u00a0 Fake agents lurk all over the Internet and publishers who promise that you’ll “never” pay a dime will still somehow extract a few thousand before they’re done.\u00a0 Best to check out<\/a> all offers first!<\/p>\n

So here’s my pitch.\u00a0 I have one of those useless MFA’s degrees.\u00a0 I was “real” published long ago, once.\u00a0 I’ve taught writing.\u00a0 I even\u00a0 had a story edited for publication by an infamous and controversial professional editor<\/a>.\u00a0 (His method was basically to\u00a0 cut the vital organs out of any story that came his way.)\u00a0 I’m now a member of a collective of “independently published” rogue writers<\/a>; some of whom are extremely talented (though I make no claims for myself).<\/p>\n

I could use some money and I’ll undercut Kirkus and other services.\u00a0 So how’s this:\u00a0 I have no publishing connections and don’t work in the industry. \u00a0I can’t get my own work agented.\u00a0 \u00a0I can critique your work and give you an honest opinion on\u00a0 plot, pacing, dialogue, writing mechanics and all that jazz.\u00a0 You couldn’t pay me enough to actually proofread or edit it, but I can offer some tips and tell you whether or not you’re anywhere near ready to even go to an editor.\u00a0 I can also tell you whether or not I found it compelling.\u00a0 Believe it or not, the MOST likely reason an agent is going to reject your work, is simply because he or she found it boring.<\/p>\n

I won’t promise you that if you do everything I say, you’ll get a contract.\u00a0 The sad news is, you probably won’t get your novel published (by someone who isn’t you) unless you know someone or made sure to include vampires, zombies or\u00a0 some kind of Jane Austen parody involving paranormal romance, or unless you’re a celebrity.\u00a0 If you’re a celebrity, I’ll tell you the truth, which is more than you’re getting from your sycophantic assistant, but I’ll charge you double because you’re worth it, and you wouldn’t believe me if you thought I was cut-rate.<\/p>\n

I can tell you if what you wrote is amazing, ordinary or embarrassing.\u00a0 I could be wrong.\u00a0 Most likely I am. \u00a0\u00a0It’s entirely possible that you are a genius, and I just didn’t understand your work.\u00a0 But then again, who am I anyway?\u00a0 If I don’t like what I tell you, \u00a0you can always tell people that I’m a fraud and an idiot.<\/p>\n

So let’s say $200 for a five-page crit of up to 300 double-spaced manuscript pages, and \u00a0$50 for each additional 100 pages (pro-rated).\u00a0 Payable through Paypal with a 2-week turnaround.\u00a0 (Add 20%\u00a0 for rush jobs.)\u00a0 Just respond with a comment if you’re interested.\u00a0 I’ll be waiting to take your money.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was over snooping around some aspiring writers’ site and it hit me.\u00a0 People pay big bucks to get opinions on their work.\u00a0 Back in my Authonomy days, I heard of writers spending hundreds of dollars for “critiques” by professional editing services.\u00a0 One author published her critique, which basically advised her to dumb it down … Continue reading To Serve Writers<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_sitemap_exclude":false,"_sitemap_priority":"","_sitemap_frequency":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[185,55,71],"tags":[283,43,285,284,73,218],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marioninnyc.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1152"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marioninnyc.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marioninnyc.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marioninnyc.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marioninnyc.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1152"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.marioninnyc.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1152\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1936,"href":"https:\/\/www.marioninnyc.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1152\/revisions\/1936"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marioninnyc.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1152"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marioninnyc.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1152"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marioninnyc.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1152"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}