With the election of the Pussy-Grabber in Chief as President and the empowerment of his alt-right gamergate bros no vagina is safe. This isn’t your mama’s rape culture. It’s open season on women. The modern gal can expect her subway ride to be a grabfest, and don’t look for protection in the work place, you whiny bitch! Ha-ha-ha! It’s so cute when you get red-faced and indignant. Take is as a compliment! Get another job why don’t ya? Besides it’s all in good fun, right? It’s not like you own your vagina.
But ladies, don’t lose hope! A solution is at hand. I’m looking for investors to help bring back the chastity belt. Not the old-timey oppressive kind where men held the key, but a new belt for a new time that you can proudly wear over or under your clothes, a belt that puts you in charge. A Smart Belt (Trademark). No more messy urine holes! You simply slip the thing off to pee, or when it’s time to talk to your boss about a promotion.
The prototype is still being developed, but since the point is to keep grubby stubby fingers from entering the inner sanctum — or even making direct contact with it, we are probably looking for a strong, but light-weight, rust-proof rigid metal. (I hear you can that kind of thing cheap from China.) Something that can be welded into a shape that won’t interfere with walking, running, yoga, Pilates or other daily activities.
Money is needed for development. We could use some design ideas for belts that can be worn during the day or in the evening. Belts that make a statement! Belts that tease and belts that just say no. Designer belts and knock-offs.
Does anyone have a line to Ivanka? Something tells me she’d be interested.
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